Book Lists

The lists below reflect the individual opinions of Heather Gonzales LPC and are written from the perspective of an adoptee, for adoptees, adoptive families, or those working with adoptees looking for resources. These books have been valuable personally as an adoptee, for working with adoptees and their families in a therapeutic setting, and for developing various programs and curriculum content for adoptees. Because of this, and because there are not currently enough books specifically on adoption to understand the complexity of this experience adequately, a list that separates out books that address adoption only is not sufficient, potentially misleading, and so not included here.

We do not assume all listings will be applicable to everyone’s individual experiences and/or needs. Listing books here is not intended to indicate absolute agreement with all content, techniques, suggestions, word choices, or other work by the authors- but to indicate a significant portion of information that was found helpful. It is recommended that whatever you read, no matter who recommends it or writes it, that readers use critical thinking and that content is reviewed in a thoughtful, contemplative, and reflective manner. Lists are not necessarily a reflection of all staff or Encompass Adoptees as a whole.

Separate lists were created to help viewers find what might be helpful to them more quickly. Additional lists, books, details, and reviews are added periodically.

Books Worth Reading (Alphabetical):

This list reflects some of the books read by Heather Gonzales and have been helpful as an adoptee, working with adoptees. Individual comments/reviews are listed for some books and bold titles indicate higher personal preference. This list includes some, but not all, titles from other book lists found on this site.

  • Adoption Healing…a Path to Recovery, by Joe Soll, LCSW (adult adoptee)

  • Adoption Therapy: Perspectives from Clients & Clinicians on Processing and Healing Post-Adoption Issues, Ed. by Laura Dennis — See Review/Comments

  • A Grief Observed, by C. S. Lewis

  • Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief, by Pauline Boss

  • Drama of the Gifted Child, by Alice Miller

  • Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief, by Joanne Cacciatore, PhD

  • Becoming Attached, by Robert Karen, Ph.D.

  • Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home, by Toko-pa Turner

  • Black Anthology: Black Adoptees Claim Their Space, Ed. by Susan Harris O’Conner, Diane Rene Christian, and Mei-Mei Akwai Elderman Ph.D.

  • Bones of Belonging: Finding Belonging in a White World, by Annelid Dashtgard

  • Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biology Becomes Your Biography, and How You Can Heal, By Donna Jackson Nakazawa

  • Countertransference and the Treatment of Trauma, by Constance J. Dalenberg — See Review/Comments

  • Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation, by Janina Fisher

  • In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction, by Gabor Mate, MD — See Review/Comments

  • IntraConnected: MWe (Me + We) As the Integration of Self, Identity, and Belonging, by Daniel Siegel, MD

  • Journey of the Adopted Self, by Betty Jean Lifton (an adult adoptee) — See Review/Comments

  • Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl

  • Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance, by Kelly McDaniel

  • Mothers Who Can’t Love: a Healing Guide for Daughters, by Susan Forward, PhD

  • My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending our Hearts and Bodies, by Resnaa Menakem MSW, LICSW, SEP

  • On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss, by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD and David Kessler

  • Parenting from the Inside Out: How a deeper Self-Understanding Can Help you Raise Children Who Thrive, Daniel Siegel, M.D., & Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.

  • Parenting in the Eye of the Storm: The Adoptive Parents Guide to Navigating the Teen Years, by Katie Naftzger

  • Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a. World that Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain

  • Rage Becomes Her: The Power of women’s Anger, by Soraya chemaly

  • Rooted in Adoption: A collection of Adoptee Reflections —anthology compiled by adult adoptees, written in 2020, 93 pages

  • Shared Fate: A Theory and Method of Adoptive Relationships, by David Kirk (adoptive parent)

  • The Adoptee Survival Guide: Adoptees Share Their Wisdom and Tools, Ed. by Lynn Grubb

  • The Art of Loving, by Erich Fromm

  • The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk M.D. — See Review/Comments

  • The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, and Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook, by Bruce D. Perry M.D., Ph.D. & Maia Szalavitz

  • The Connected Child, by Karyn B. Purvis, Ph.D., David Cross, Ph.D., and Wendy Lyons Sunshine

  • The Emotionally Absent Mother, by Jasmin Lee Cori, MS, LPC

  • The Perpetual Child: Dismantling the Stereotype, Ed. By Diane Rene Christian, and Amanda H. L. Transue-Woolston

  • The Primal Wound, by Nancy Verrier — See Review/ Comments

  • The Social Animal, by Elliot Anderson with Joshua Anderson

  • The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind, by Daniel Siegel, MD and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD — See Review/Comments

  • The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief, by Francis Weller

  • Too Scared to Cry: How Trauma Affects Children and Ultimately Us All, by Lenoore Terrace, MD

  • Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self, by Elan Golomb PhD

  • Treating Complex Traumatic Stress Disorders in Children and Adolescents, ED. by Julian  D. Ford & Christine A. Courtois

  • Twenty Life-Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make, by Sherrie Eldridge (an adult adoptee)

  • Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge (an adult adoptee) — See Review/Comments

  • Self-Objectification in Women: Causes, Consequences, and Countractions, Ed by Calogero, Tantleff-Dunn, and Thompson

  • Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame: A Relational Neurobiological Approach, by Patricia DeYoung

  • Waking the Tiger, by Peter Levine with Anne Frederick

  • What Happened to You? Conversation on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing, by Bruce Perry, M.D., Ph.D. & Oprah Winfrey —See Review/Comments

  • Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times, by Kathrine May

  • You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identity, and Transracial Adoption, by Adoptee Angela Tucker